I witnessed a counselling session for a couple one day. When I listened to the man very carefully, he was looking for parity: some sort of sharing of responsibilities. His partner felt that she was in the relationship because of what she will get and not what she will contribute. A stem of a tree is the part that is visible as the part of the plant doing the work of carrying the load of all the branches on the tree. Sometimes the stem looks straight, other times it is bent or tilted, obviously as a result of the load it bears. The stem never attracts anyone, the fact that the tree bares fruit is all what matters to people! This has been the general thinking of many people – outward appearances! I however want to draw your attention to the fact that the stem is only doing well because of the roots. The root is the one to take minerals from the soil, water and “feed” the entire plant including the stem. But it is always submerged – not meant to be seen. When the soil undergoes pressures like floods, compaction which collapses the air cells in the soil, excessive heat etc, it is the persistence of the roots that determine the survival of the plant. There is the sweet side of every “bad” person. When you focus on the negative always, the positive eludes you. When you hear “Yes” it sounds like “No”. When you witness a gesture of love, you doubt it, and begin to question what that gesture lacks, so you can go ahead to criticise it instead of appreciating it. Sacrifices have a way of suppressing selfishness. When you place premium on your relationship, be it amongst siblings, couples, friends, work etc, you always will find a way to ignore the pain or hurt or give more chances for resolution. Any time you are unhappy or angry, you certainly are focusing on the part of the story or situation you are interested in. You mostly forget that the other party also has his/her reasons or line of thought for approaching the situation the way they did. The more you see positives in people, there more we will enjoy the complement of other ideas. The more we think positively about others, the more they also see us to be a force to reckon with. The more we give others the opportunity to shine, the less we will find ourselves lonely in life. Sacrifice for other people the way you expect others to sacrifice for you. For a relationship to score 100% it can be 40 + 60; 10 + 90 or 150 + (-50) and every combination in between. There are strengths in each special combination.
